Learning social skills from forums...

I was part of this forum for parents of children with autism. I left it, lol, because... well, everyone seemed just far too emotionally driven to listen to any reasoning or apply logic to what they were saying.

I posted saying basically that the argument about vaccines is just ridiculous. I also pointed out the fact that the "blame game" isn't so much as what is the cause for autism, but they are picking and choosing what parts of others' posts they want to listen to, then are twisting it, getting defensive, and attacking them, which just starts an all out war.

So... I thought it was ironic, that after I posted that (before I quit, as I wanted to see what the owner of the group thought ultimately before leaving altogether), that the owner came in, basically saying the arguing and all needs to stop... but THEN, felt this need to throw in the fact that people who view it her way (the ones with vaccine injured children, as she put it) don't have any reason to get attacked, and are not doing the attacking... they are, in fact, just as guilty as the others, if not maybe even a bit more, as the others state their view and it instantly gets picked apart, reworded, and reposted. They are getting offended, which, is understandable since they see it from the other side and all... but they are also butchering everyone else's posts just to be able to take out their anger on people and keep the argument going... every single time!

But the post that finally set me over the edge and made me say "I just can't take this site anymore", was from one of those people. She was posting nasty little comments in between her main points. The owner of the group was what made me hit the "leave" button and not even bother to respond.

So... I kind of figured out from that, why the idea of "social therapy" doesn't thrill me too much.

I'm kind of going by the idea that those kinds of things are normal in real life too (and don't deny it, because denial of fault is one of the things I KNOW I've seen people do on a daily basis, lol). This is what I learned from them, and have observed very similar going on in real life:

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1) Deny. Deny. Deny.

Apparently, admitting fault is a fate worse than death. Any time you can, look for someone else to blame for your bad mood, or your problems. NEVER admit that you *could* be doing anything less than perfect, even if you are doing the same thing someone is criticizing you for AS YOU DENY IT.
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2) If someone disagrees with you, there is no reason to try to come to an agreement, or to back down... even if it's an issue that you will NEVER agree on, or an issue that has absolutely no research that can cover every instance of something to back anyone up.

These people are arguing this to freakin death! They just WILL NOT LET IT GO. At least after a while of not agreeing with someone, I can look objectively at the situation and say, "Oh, well this isn't going anywhere. We should just stop talking about it." Rather than, "Oh, well this isn't going anywhere... but I want to make it a point that it's everyone else's fault." (Because we all know THAT is going to resolve a whole lot *sarcasm*)
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3) If a debate comes up, and there is no proof of everything you are saying, or what the other person is saying, it doesn't matter. Your own experience is law, and that is how it was for every person you encounter as well-they are just in denial, or are stupid.

That, I think, is what bugged me the most about all of it. They were all screaming over personal experiences. Hey, newsflash guys-JUST BECAUSE SOME GUY WROTE A PAPER ON A LINK BETWEEN AUTISM AND VACCINES A LOOOOONG TIME AGO, DOESN'T MAKE IT PROOF!!! Especially when that isn't how it happened for everyone. Take a chill pill.
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4) Always respond to things when you are emotionally unstable (i.e. extremely UPSET about what is being talked about).

A lot of them want to say "use common sense" to everyone else who doesn't agree with them. But in all honesty, they all wound up looking rather loony to me.

There was no thought given to what others were saying. Just this need to yell and bash one another due to an initial emotionally driven response... I'm pretty sure none of them read their own posts and realized how ridiculous they sounded either.
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5) NEVER EVER assume someone means exactly what they are saying.

Nobody could possibly mean what they are saying, apparently. ALWAYS twist up what they say and contort it so it suits your own personal needs. Nevermind paying attention to an entire sentence said, or paragraph. Just pick out the parts you don't like and focus on that-if you focus on the small stuff rather than the big, it's much easier to attack someone and fool yourself into thinking that they meant to be rude.
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6) If someone disagrees, don't back down... you are in control no matter what. If you actually have power, use it as a threat whenever someone disagrees.

The owner actually told some people she was going to kick them out of the group because they didn't agree with her basically. Of course, she took #5 and used that to her advantage to build her case, to make it sound like the person said a lot of offensive stuff.
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No wonder so many of us would prefer to revert into our own worlds most of the time... people are completely random. There is not much logic used in these situations at all... and quite frankly, it's so incredibly annoying that if this is what being "normal" means, thank GOD I'm not.

I may be quirky, but at least I can back off of a situation, or realize when there's no point anymore in arguing/debating. I can also look at a reaction I had within a few hours, and apologize for it easily, because I realize it was irrational and pointless.

People today have frustrated me, obviously, lol. But what bugs me most, is those incidents are NOT only isolated to internet interactions.

I see people doing crap like this ALL THE TIME.

Fall asleep during a movie and someone notices? "No. No. I wasn't sleeping-really!" (big fight breaks out)

Someone bumps into someone else by accident in the store. Half of them don't say sorry, and the half that do, get yelled at for it!

Every time someone gets defensive, it's like their comprehension of what is going on is just... not working right. They can no longer hear correctly, they have to reword everything and use it as an attack...

I want to make it clear... I'm up for social therapy for some things. But I want ABSOLUTELY NO PART in being "normal". I just want to be able to get by, and if omitting these things means it isn't possible, then I'd rather just stay at home all day and not bother trying. It's absolutely ridiculous.