I'm hitting kind of a low with autism lately... it's a very FRUSTRATING disorder to have. I've noticed people work soooo hard to "fix" us, to make us like everyone else. They try to fit us into these little categories of "what is normal" and "what is not".
They want to think that they can make us successful by working with us, by teaching us "their" ways... but there are MAJOR flaws in this.
The thing is, we are who we are. We can read a script over and over and still have it come across as awkward, unnatural... because it ISN'T natural to us.
People seem to forget, when teaching us these things, that they still look for body language, tone of voice, facial expression, etc. when we do/say things... and I'm sorry, but no matter how good you are at reading the script, it just doesn't work well unless you can truly get into character.
...and not to be slamming therapists, etc., that think that if we just did "this" or "that", then things wouldn't be so hard... if we just looked "normal" enough to pass it off.... but it's just not plausible.
We NEED reasons for things. We NEED a response that makes US feel something a lot of the time. ...and I'm not going to feel anything tied to much if I'm ONLY doing something so that people like me more, or can put up with me better. I can't do something simply because it might make people more comfortable with me... or because it might make people like me. Quite frankly, if I have to put on that much of a show for them, then I don't want to be around them anyway... not just because it's entirely uncomfortable, but it is EXHAUSTING.
You have no clue... until you really have to TRY to be fake with people, how absolutely exhausting it can be. Sure, maybe you have more friends in the end.... maybe people like you more in the end... but if you are on the verge of tears every night because you are so overwhelmed from just trying to remember the basics to things every single time you talk to anyone or walk past them all day long, it's not worth it.
People like to think "well, it's so easy once you learn how"... but most of these people forget, they didn't have to fully LEARN it all. They didn't have to start from square one... there is something instilled in most people that comes out naturally-instinctive.
People also like to think that there truly is a way of "behaving normally", or that there is a "normal" response to things... but I've talked to a LOT of people, and let me tell ya, there isn't.
So... say you have autism, and are somewhat depressed. You decide to go to therapy. Do you know that one of the first things they start doing is throwing homework on specific phrases to use, body language information packets, etc. at you?
But... it doesn't help if you can't read into it yourself. ...and it sure as heck doesn't help anyone due to the fact that 10 people can respond to a situation 10 different ways and have it be taken as perfectly normal... but your way is NOT for some reason.
It's a paradox, really.... wanting so bad to fit in socially, willing to do the work for it, but in the back of your mind, there is this neverending cycle of things you see in every day life that just makes it completely not plausible to actually work.
We don't just need handbooks and manuals on how to do things. We need a whole freakin life dedicated to just figuring out the relationships between people, personalities that tie into them, etc., that makes certain things appropriate with that person.
Before you can say a ton to people, you have to be able to size up their personalities. You have to be able to stand back and try to figure out whether or not this person can take a joke, whether this person prefers the prim and proper approach to everything, if this person is super casual, if this person is accepting of "iffy" comments or not, if this person is understanding, if this person has a short fuse.
All those things you guys can figure out within seconds, doesn't happen for us. It can take YEARS to finally get to know someone well enough to actually speak comfortably with them. It's mentally and physically exhausting, it's overwhelming. It's not just anxiety-it's literally never knowing what to do with what you have to work with and constantly second guessing yourself. It's being written off as rude if you say the wrong thing because you assessed the person the wrong way.
How many times have you walked away from a conversation in which the other person had lousy timing, or told a joke that offended you, or thought something about you that wasn't true, and never spoke to them again, or went home and talked about them to your friend or family? Have you ever EVER thought that the person may have autism? Or that this person just thinks differently?
Have you ever written off someone in your life due to a misunderstanding that could easily have been them just not gauging the situation the right way?
Most people won't admit it when they do these things.... most people don't even think they do... but they do. Watch the next time you talk about someone you don't know. It's okay to talk about how they came across and such, but just as you'd sit down your autie kiddo and explain that misunderstandings happen and that doesn't mean the person is mean, etc., you should really take a look at your own personal relations.
I cannot count how many times my bf has said to me "that's horrible that this/that happened to you today. I had a bad day today too, I ran into a real jerk... his timing was off on everything, and he just ticked me off!"
I do NOT think this is an autism exclusive thing.... I think it's people in general just being intolerant to one another when they don't get what they expect back out of a person. We're surely not the only ones sitting around saying "I just don't get why ____ did this or that". But because we have a diagnosis, we sure are the only ones being told "well if you just did this or that, then maybe it would have turned out differently."
Just my 2 cents... rant over.
