I don't like to see when everyone jumps on the bandwagon in a rant, because there are other ways to look at these situations sometimes.
Sometimes I'm wholeheartedly in agreement with what is being said, but I usually don't respond based on emotion unless something has really bothered me.
Several things bother me and seem to be common themes on these forums:
1. Posts that give off the feeling that we are "broken" and therefore should be excused from certain things.
2. Posts that give the impression that we are incapable of learning new things.
3. Posts that don't push the importance of believing we CAN do things and reach our full potential.
I see far too many of these, and to me, it gives many mixed feelings. Sometimes I feel the parents have just accepted things the way they are (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but their perception is "off" about the situation. Like, "so and so has Asperger's and just isn't going to be good at this or that". Okay, so that MIGHT be true. BUT, it doesn't change the fact that so and so could still try to learn, or might need more help learning it than the others.
Heck, I KNOW that feeling of "I can't" way too well. Any time something doesn't work out right, I get that awesome (sarcasm) feeling of "I'll never be able to" and just never want to try again. But I know that isn't good for me, either.
It's easy enough for me to get myself into a pattern of that line of thinking.... if my parent had that line of thinking, too, then I'd NEVER learn anything new, lol.
A lot of us really do need to be pushed to practice things, whether we think it's important or not. It's not just a matter of "oh this is absolutely useless to be learning and isn't important". There are usually underlying reasons to be learning new things that are not directly involved with the task.
Take sports for instance. Many of us Aspies/Auties are TERRIBLE at sports, quite frankly. But some of us excel as well. Sports suck... a LOT of people hate playing sports, despise it, if you will. But that doesn't change the fact that you learn other things when playing them. Sportsmanship, reaction time, motor skills, teamwork, and generally being aware of your surroundings as opposed to lost in your own little world the majority of the time.
I freakin HATED sports. I still do. But I cannot deny that I made friends in gym.... usually with all the other people who hated it as much as I did... and I can't deny that we would keep one another aware and cheer for each other as well. It was much better with friends in the class, even though I hated the task at hand.
I learned to take turns, not get plowed down by a ball to my head, not to get plowed down by other kids running around, to cheer for my teammates, to work with my teammates, and how to be a good sport when we didn't win.
I realize this now, even though during school I would have given ANYTHING to get out of gym class.
Anyway, the point is.... so many parents on these forums, no matter how nice they are, seem to share this mindset of "my child just isn't going to be good at this/that and I'm not going to make them be". But it's not about making them good at it. It's about working with them on it so that they can at least function decently when they have to participate in whatever it is.
A quick story of something that happened very very recently that pertains to this. I have to admit, I did get into that mindset at first-when it initially happened and was brought up, I was TICKED. I was angry with the teacher for even suggesting it! The nerve of her!
My son's class is competing with another class on how fast they know their multiplication tables. It takes my son a good minute and a half just to focus enough to do any of the problems, and there is a timer ticking away the entire time at the front of the room, so there is distraction during the 5 minute timed test.
Now, we'd worked with him on these several times, and he was still only getting about 36 out of 100.
I got a note home last week, that said "Please practice!"-all underlined 2 or 3 times, with exclamation points all around it.
I was mad... furious. He's in the gifted program, for pete's sake-he's not stupid, just works slow. How could she assume he wasn't working on it every night and making such an emphasis on this stupid test? I mean, the last school didn't even give him timed tests for this exact reason! How could she!?!
Well, I calmed down, talked with my mom, etc. We decided we were going to work harder on it... by the end of just 2 days (and non-stop quizzing nearly), he was up to getting 67.
I felt awful... it didn't seem like he was getting a break that I thought he desperately should be getting. But... he did improve, and seemed to be getting frustrated at times, but he was definitely not incapable of learning to do them faster.
So... I guess what I'm saying is... parents reading this: DO set higher expectations of us than what you probably have, because we ARE capable of doing things better. Don't settle for what we always show you. Kids don't work hard at things they just don't like a lot of the time, and the same goes for us. Does it mean we can't do it? Certainly not... it just means we have to be pushed to our full potential. Then, if we still aren't getting it, then okay-maybe it's just not our strong point. But don't give up on it before trying. We can get ourselves into the "I can't" mindset just fine on our own. What we need is support saying "You can!" right behind us every step of the way, pushing to prove it to us.
