With any kid, they will say their parents are too hard on them-they always think that, lol, so that part is normal.
...and with the obsession with the magic cards-I understand that to some extent. A lot of us really like "fantasy" type games and can become involved very easily. I play World of Warcraft and sometimes it's hard to pull away from it. But I've had to limit myself to only a couple of hours at night. I don't think it would be wrong of you to allow him to play the cards for maybe 2-3 hours a day, because I know it can become a long game, but no more than that.
Some obsessions/interests are just fine to perseverate on, but these just aren't. I'm never going to get a job playing WoW, lol, and I'm pretty sure no jobs require skills in Magic: the Gathering :P I always envied those whose obsessions were able to turn into careers to some extent, because they can just go to town and wind up making something out of it. Mine have always been just useless things, to be honest.... can't get away with going to town on those without it interfering with life rather than being something to move towards.
So a time limit, I don't think is such a bad thing, as long as it's after he has finished school work and such. ...and that is just normal for any kiddo. The shower and such, I'm sure has to do with the card game, lol. Well, I can't say I'm certain, but I have a pretty good idea of that because I STILL go for 2-3 days without anything sometimes just playing on the computer. Get too wrapped up in it.
As far as driving... I dunno. I mean, sure, he could just be thinking "when you turn 18, that is just what happens and you will know what to do", or he could be afraid of driving. It took me until 21 to learn to drive, and that was when mom finally got tired of driving me back and forth from work. It was hard... nervewrecking... something NEW to learn, to work on, and to master so I don't kill myself on the road basically. It's a LOT of responsibility-driving. I've never been the most responsible person really, and that was a VERY scary thing.... then the idea that no matter how careful I am in the car, I can't control what other people do.... it took a lot of work before I would finally get behind the wheel.
Sounds to me like he's scared of responsibility in general maybe? I think that is normal, especially in the later years of high school. It's basically going from being under your parents wing and being taken care of, to going out on your own. Even if you have family support, college and work, maybe living on your own, leaving your friends... all of it combined is a VERY big change.
I don't know if it would help, but maybe just try talking with him about one thing at a time? Try to keep him focused on his school activities first. Tell him (I'm guessing he's a senior in high school?) that this is his last year of high school, and that he might just want to enjoy it as much as he can. If he still protests, I don't know.... I dread when my boy gets older and I have to make big decisions like that, lol. I tend to be pretty lenient a lot of the time, probably too much so, but figure it's because mine is still very young. He may just be scared of all the change that is about to happen... that is a LOT to take in, and people do expect a lot more from you, and that is a big change as well.
There are a couple of books I'm looking into getting from Amazon, for myself even, about becoming an adult and starting work, guides for college, etc., for people with autism.
If you feel you are pushing him too hard, then maybe try to work on that... BUT, if you feel you are just being a parent, KEEP GOING!!! People like to think of us as innocent and having it so hard, and it's hard not to think that way I guess.... but we do still do snotty kid/teenager stuff too, lol.
The most successful people I've met on the spectrum, all say they couldn't have done it without their parents. They say they hated them at the time, though... but were GLAD that their parents never stopped pushing them to be their best :) I hope that helps some.
...and of course if you have any questions or whatnot, always feel free to drop me a line. :D It's nice to have new friends ^^
Oh, and the not gettin picked on stuff... geez, if I ever figure that out, I'll let you know. I imagine he's prob like me, and too trusting and eager to think that people are generally good. I just got myself in trouble 2 nights ago being nice to someone I didn't know very well and had to have them escorted off of my property. It's really a hard one to figure out, to be honest. Body language tells a lot, I guess, to others. But I know for me, and for my son, if someone is doing something mean, but laughing, we get out of it that they are just joking with us-not actually picking on us. It's just really a hard one to sort out when that body language doesn't compute properly in the mind."
The Question:
"My son has been going to another therapist and he believes he will have Asperger's in the future after his speech is better and such. Is that even possible? It just blew me away. I told him, I thought he would never be able to have that diagnosis because of his speech delay now. He replied "Well I see him later in life in having that dx, when his speech is "regular""! I didn't know much to say after that. They are also going to do an IQ test on him so they can rule out mental retardation. My stomach just sank. I'm more at a loss now than ever before. But at least this dr is more willing to say he is autistic than having just a pdd-nos dx. Anyways.. what are your opinions on that??? I will tell you more about him if you'd like... How have you dealt with it yourself? I'm so afraid he won't be capable of doing this or that.. But that's only because of what I see now.. I have no idea what he can be in the future. If his behavior will calm down, if his speech will improve.. things of that order."
My response:
"No, technically it is NOT possible, especially since they are talking about scrapping Asperger's from the DSM-IV altogether, and just calling it all autism, lol. But, a lot of docs will ignore the speech delay and still go with that diagnosis, which is basically the same thing.
As far as how I've dealt with things myself... I honestly don't know. I mean, I have a family, and to some that would be very successful considering.... but I cannot pay my own bills, I can't seem to hold a job, I couldn't finish college. It's not so much that I cannot do these things, but moreso that others don't understand me well enough for them. For instance, I've been fired for just being "too weird" before. One place fired me because I was way too happy. Other places just wait for something to come up to get rid of me.... for instance, my last place fired me when my daughter went into the hospital and I had to stay with her. It was "oh, I'm so sorry to hear. By the way, don't come back". In college, they told me I needed something more concrete as far as diagnosis and they could give me "picture books".... ugh!
It's a very frustrating world we live in at times.... not much is out there for adults like us that need anything extra, to be honest, in most areas.
But it doesn't mean that it cannot happen. It just means you have to find the right group of people to work with you to hold a job, or have to have really good coping mechanisms for things when they come up. Some are very skilled, some not so much-like myself it seems. I have a LOT of support though, and that is wonderful. It helps in so many ways! I don't like having to rely on others... that can cause a LOT of depression and stress, though. It's a tough spot to be in, but I still think I'm doing fairly well when in comparison to others with the same problems.
I'm sorry-I'm kind of in a down mood today, lol. I'm in a lot of pain from my knee cap constantly slipping out of place for no good reason, so it's hindered my good mood. At least I can realize that I guess :) That is a good thing, lol."
The Question:
"Hi, I was wondering if you could give me any suggestions. My son gets upset when he hears another child cry. He had this behavior before and it had gotten better but recently it has resurfaced and is worse. Sunday in my Sunday school class a little boy started crying after his mother left. My son started jumping up and down, screaming, smacking himself, kicked off his shoes, kicked over a table and was banging his head against my chest. For the first time ever, I could NOT control him. I would truly appreciate any suggestions you may have."
My Answer:
"How old is he? A lot of parents don't seem to like this idea when it comes to things like this, but maybe just try to get him to go with you elsewhere until the other child stops. I've heard a lot of "well, he'll have to deal with it some day", but see... yes, we do have to deal with it, but that doesn't mean that we'll EVER be able to tolerate it.
I run into things like that all of the time as an adult... and I can't just stand there and listen to it. But, I can realize now that I can walk away from it until things calm down :) Maybe, let the church staff know that if he starts up, just to take him on a small walk outside if they don't mind. Or they could just let you know and you could walk with him at times if they cannot.
Other ideas would just be things like noise cancelling headphones, but I honestly hate the things myself, as they are just uncomfortable, and don't seem logical to use for noises that you never know if they are or are not going to happen. Too annoying to keep taking them off and putting them back on, lol, or lugging them around when no one really knows if it even is going to happen :P
It might be something he will outgrow or get more used to over time as well.... it could just be this particular child's tone of voice. I have a friend whose daughter has this AWFUL crying thing going on when she starts, lol, and it makes me very irritable to hear it. I can listen to it, but only because I don't have much of a choice sometimes (like if she's in the car with us or something). But some kids... can cry all day long and it won't bother me one bit.
It's very interesting really how that works :) But that also means there are just so many reasons it could possibly be, so it's not really easy to fix. I would say the easiest solution would be to go on a walk until it calms down, or until your son calms down, then come back. It's definitely a good coping strategy to learn anyway :) To walk away when things get overwhelming is so much better than to be freaking out in front of everyone, lol-as an adult especially. It still happens from time to time, but I can catch it as it comes on a lot as well."
The Question:
"We thought maybe if we record sounds of crying and play them and see if he has the same effect. We could stop the player and explain to him how the crying stops and try to teach him other responses to the crying then him getting so upset. Do you think that is worth a try or are we way off."
My response:
"It could help... or it could backfire, lol. It really depends on what the actual problem with the crying is, ya know? I mean, if he can walk past certain people crying with no problem, but then one kid once in a while has a tone to their cry that he just cannot deal with, that is literally just painful to the ears (throbbing ear drums, loss of concentration, instant meltdown type of noise), then it may not do anything.
For instance, if sunlight is hurting someone's eyes really bad, then exposing them to artificial light all the time will make no difference, because the sunlight is what hurts. Exposing to artificial may be uncomfortable, but will never match the actual problem well enough to help adjust to it.
If it is crying in general that bothers him, then it very well could help out... as long as he understands why it is being done... but I would not be shocked if he still had a meltdown from time to time, because practice is on a schedule... it only lasts a little while, you can press the button to turn it off... it's not as unpredictable as real life is, if that makes sense. It may not be the right tone, it may not seem as loud, it's not as random.
I wonder.... if you could use distraction to some extent. Give him a small job-very small job to focus on during it. If a baby is crying because he/she wants a bottle, then have him bring the bottle to you and give it to the baby. That way, his "job" also has a payoff in the sense that the noise stops as soon as he gets it done. Also, he will know why the person is crying, rather than it just being plain loud and random noise, if that makes sense. Maybe talk about things like that with him after and ask him why he thought that person might be crying? That way, he can get a better grasp on it as a reason behind crying, rather than it just being very loud and sudden.
It may not help with the noise itself.... that one is a hard one to tackle, as many of us have such diff sensory issues. Mine is electrical noise-white noise of any sort I cannot stand. But I can tune out people yelling and screaming all day long for the most part (It'll come out later in frustration, but at the time, I can just tune it out). With white noise.... I can kind of describe what it is like for me-it may or may not be the same for him with the crying.... but I can feel the sound in my stomach. It's a dull... disruption or something-makes me nauseous after a while, and my ears feel like they are just throbbing. If it stops right away, that is good, of course.... but if it does not, I can be in tears within a matter of minutes just because of how awful it is-and it feels like HOURS after just a few minutes.
I've heard people describe sounds as bees stinging them inside of their ears as well.
It's a bummer that no one else is in there with you that can easily go get someone to take him for a walk :( You are in a really tough spot with it.
I definitely would not avoid taking him there or anything like that... exposure is a good thing to some extent of course.... but it's really hard to know exactly what to do without knowing what the problem actually is.
It might not be the sound at all... but just the unexpected part of it that gets him worked up/startled and it sets him off. "
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